Friday, October 03, 2008

80/20 Rule

Interesting quote from the movie 'Why did I get married?'

In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship. There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.

But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT

But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.

Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. 'Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it's not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my spouse is not'

Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.

Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%. Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature.

You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says: 'I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . ..'

Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt Or because your husband is the quiet
type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have.

Don't throw away the 80% that you already have!

That's not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.

But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.

But I'm not just talking about marriage.

I'm talking about life!

About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.

Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's missing? 'They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got personal videos!'

I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip! Don't live your life like that. Forget about what the world says is first class. Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class -- because they are not riding in a private Lear Jet?

The main message???

If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you are first class!



Anonymous said...

Very true

Anonymous said...

Hi man. Thanks for the post. It made me understand more clearly what is vital in our social life. The fact of always be content of what or who one has in life. I wish other people could read that (men and women) but they are so damn non-intelligent and b.u.s.y (being under satan's yoke) that they don't live and learn what you just taught us. Thanks again, God bless. Ben S.

Saravanan said...

Hi Ben,

Thanks for your comment. I am sure at least some have read and understood this value.


Anonymous said...

This is sooo good...You really broke it down! Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Just wondering, but how do you know what you've got is 80% what you need? When is it that you are supposed to break up with someone instead of just validating the relationship to stay in it because no relationship is perfect?

I get the point of the 80/20 rule and it makes sense for a marriage because, well, you made a commitment for life, but what about those that aren't married?

Saravanan said...

Hi Vanes,

Sorry for the delayed reply.

Regarding question of how to find what you have got is 80%, its very simple. Just Throw your head (mind) out and listen to Heart. You will get the right answer for any question that araises in your mind.

Well for those who aren't married, should decide about whether they are ready to face the challenging marriage life throughout the rest of their life.

Anonymous said...

This is so true, I should appreciate my husband more.

g1791 said...

My girlfriend and i have been having some problems. She asked me if i know what 80/20 means and that i'm the 80%. She followed that with we need to spend some time apart without any contact she doesn't know how long for and that if its Gods will we will date again anew in the future. I'M concerned that i will loose her. Any comments.

Saravanan said...

Stay positive if you really wanna get her as your life partner.
Your positive thought matters a lot.

All The Best

Anonymous said...

I wish I would have known this in the beginning of my marriage. Thank goodness I realized it before it was too late.

Anonymous said...

dear Saravanan

i have read and i believe the 20/80 rule .im married , i just had an affair , ended the affair but im deeoply in love with the guy i had the affair with , i cant seem to let go .I want my marriage to work but my heart is in a place of its own .

Saravanan said...

Dear Anonymous Visitor,

All I want to tell you is, Forget the Past as you cannot change it. Live in Present, that will make your future fruitful.

don't worry. Change is inevitable. You should let Go of things that haunts you & invite change.

Anonymous said...

I agree.....

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this post. I've been trying to be more positive lately, but it was beginning to seem like everything just kept getting worse. Now I'm realizing that to appreciate my life and stay positive, I have to keep looking forward without regret.

Putting on a facade by pretending that I have not made, or will not make mistakes is what was keeping me back.


Saravanan said...

Hi Ananymous,

You have got the right attitude, please stay POSITIVE 100% & for sure you can expect the result to be +VE too.

Anonymous said...

I have new one 0/100...when the sh*t hits the fan...we simply being captivated by the concept if sh*t happens Sh*t has happen move on i'ts 0/100 ask a person with a broken heart...shhh*t

Anonymous said...

Im still very confused of the 80/20. I am a mother of a 10 month old boy and love him so much but lost the feeling of love towards the father and recently met with this guy i believe without a doubt that he'd make a gud if not perfect partner and want to break up with the father of my child. How do i break up with? pls help...

Saravanan said...

Dear Anonymous.

Please postpone your thought of breaking away your hubby. Instead, go for a vocation with your family & see if it changes your mood.

Honestly, if there is any difference of opinion, you should talk it out and get it resolved.

Think about your child & take your decision accordingly

Anonymous said...

I was married for 15 yrs and you get caught in the same routine over and over. I had an affair for a full year before I left my ex-husband. I had never heard of the 80/20 rule. This is such a good ad I hope more people will read it and really analyze their situation. Trust me the 20% you're looking for looks really good. But when all is done and over with you will see how much more meaningful the 80% was. They only problem is that most time we realize this when it's too late. For anyone thinking the grass is greener on the other side... Trust me it's NOT!

Anonymous said...

Wow i find that so true but help me understand if its the other way around and u suspect your spouce to be the one who is going towards a 20 and is about to loose his 80 because of it

Imjustsaying said...

People are selfish and only thing of themselves, no wonder their relationship go sour.....

Silky said...

Im the 80 and my ex left me for what he thought was at least a 20, now he sees that she's a 7 at best. He now realizes that he let go of a good thing. We have a 7 month old son and he's already having a baby with his 7 and feels stuck now. I can't help but still cry sometimes...I will always love him, wish he would've thought about it before he did what he did. Can't change what's been done and there is no going back. :(

Saravanan said...

HI Silky,
Nothing lasts forever. Can't change what has been done in the past but we can always change what will be done in future by taking control over your present