Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Read and Relax

  • God is real, unless declared integer

  • Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

  • Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

  • Home is where the television is.

  • Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.

  • Death is hereditary.

  • Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

  • Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

  • When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

  • Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

  • Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else..

  • Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.

  • Well done is better than well said.

  • Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

  • They say hard work never hurt anybody, but why take the chance.

  • Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

  • You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

  • I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

  • If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

  • Pessimist: A person that looks both ways when crossing a one way street.

  • The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train.

  • Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.

  • I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.

  • Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

  • LUCK...stands for Labouring Under Correct Knowledge

  • Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government.

  • The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

  • There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.

  • An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

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